Rewriting... It's like Writing, only this time you get to punch Yourself in the head

So I think enough time's passed that it's worth taking another look at The Mara and see if I can rejigger it a bit. (Hey, it's over a year since I started that project... all good things to those who wait, I guess).

So right now, I'm in OneNote, breaking down the whole structure of the story. Ends up that my read through crew (Darci being the only person who actually gave me detailed constructive feedback so far - she's awesome) was totally right about a number of key things about the story.

So it's time to revisit it, restructure it, cut some of the chaff, break up some scenes which were 4 times longer than others (and boring) and find another way to throw that information around.

So I'm writing notes about each major story beat, trying to pull out the threads and see where it's lacking. Much easier this way in shorthand than by trying to do it the longwinded way (and deal with 90 pages of script). At least now I can see where all the bits lie, instead of the tangled version of it that lives in my head.

Editing and Story

I'm no stranger to editing... I used to do at least three passes on every article I wrote. (I don't do that for this blog - I also don't plan out the articles. I'm not on the clock for this work, so... the hard part of the work is the first to go. I can spew out anything in a short period of time - cleaning it up, however, is where the hard part lies).

But hey, I need to edit my story. I already did 2 passes on it. Third time's a charm right? I read recently that M. Night Shyamalan did ten complete rewrites from scratch before he realized that Bruce Willis's character was dead.

Personally, that seems a little remiss to me. How can you write a story like that without knowing from the get-go what you're doing? Or where you're going? Maybe it's the programmer in me, but I take a very top-down approach to this whole thing.

I start with the global story, and then drill down to focus on individual parts, fleshing out the whole as it goes. Generally speaking, I always have a beginning, a middle and an end in mind. If I didn't, I wouldn't sit down and start writing.

Mind you, I didn't always do this. I learned after writing 58 pages of a time-travel novel, that going in without a plan - especially with time travel stories, (which are like mystery novels, in that every working part affects every other cog in the machine) - is something you absolutely don't do.

That doesn't mean you don't let the story evolve the way it should as it goes along... but it does mean that you don't go in without a road map. Change the map later - but have the map to start out.

Maybe this is why I'm not exactly prolific when it comes to screenwriting. I like to hone the idea first, and then start putting it to paper.

Characters

Another thing I've learned? The last screenplay I worked on was UNSEALED. Now, that one didn't have the full monté road map. It did have a core idea, and I built around that. The first version was 20 minutes long, and somewhat lacking - until I decided it was time to up the stakes and really pull out all the stops. And then it got really really good (in my opinion).

The difference here is that Joseph DeLorenzo and I spent a lot of time working on character. (One of these days, when I get access to a scanner, I'll put up my notebook so you can see what we came up with - there's about as much work that went into the characters as went into the actual script).

The way we wrote UNSEALED was to sit in a bar, and talk about story. And characters. I went in with a rough idea of the plot, and then we'd sit and figure out every aspect of those characters we could, figuring out scenarios we could put them in, character traits, their likes, their dislikes, their relationships. (Phil and D.K.? By the way, although it's never spelled out, a long time ago they had a gay relationship - mainly because Mortimer and Scarlet were so busy doing each other, and they had no-one else... so they decided to screw it and screw each other. It's subtle, but it did make it into the script - they have a certain ease and familiarity with each other borne of that relationship).

And then, at night, I'd go home and write the script. We'd get together a day or two later, and finesse the dialog (Joey was great at pointing out when lines could just be entirely left out, or conveyed with a gesture instead of a line of dialog - I guess that's the true hallmark of a great actor).

But the crazy thing? We had the characters 80 or 90% figured out before I sat down to write the screenplay. And it's still my favorite thing I've ever written - in fact, it's one of a myriad of reasons my tattoo is what it is. (It took 15 years to decide on what to get; if you're going to stick something on your body forever, you'd better make sure you have a good reason for it).

The symbolism of the hourglass? Two-fold - patience, and it's also the hourglass from UNSEALED.

I think one of the bigger mistakes I made with THE MARA (aka Little Miss Litty) was assuming that because I'd had the story rolling around in my head for about 12 years, it was all figured out and good to go. I'd never intended to tell a long story with it - just a short story. So there wasn't any room for character development.

Well, since working on UNSEALED, I've decided that I really like the character development approach. It gives you a lot to draw on.

And I completely ignored that for THE MARA. Talk about lame. Ah well, part of that rewrite is going to be coming up with completely fleshed out character sheets for all of the characters too. Let's see where it goes.

Because if you do the character work, everything a character does will be informed by it - even at a subliminal level. And that character definition will make your work more complex, more real, and more believable - even if you don't spell it out in bright neon lights.

Short Story: The Beginning (part 2)

This is a story I wrote a long time ago. I'm putting it up here for yours and my amusement. After this, I'll be ripping to pieces and pointing out the holes.

Navigation: Back to Part 1

From my school days, I went to Girton College at the University; learning the combined area of Natural Sciences - yet concentrating on the flame of the scholarly pursuits of my school years; the more esoteric aspects of physics. From there, I gained a first-class degree with honours, moving to Oxford to study to become a doctor. Soon after, I moved to America to lecture in a University in Chicago.

Whilst teaching, I became involved with a beautiful young student of mine, Kathryn Laird. With fair, golden hair, slim figure and happy disposition, she whirled into my life. My agenda changed - no longer did I pursue knowledge with such single-mindedness; she gave me a new outlook, and my life changed to revolve not around books and lectures as it had in the past, but around her. I was besotted.

Two happy years we spent together, and we were to be engaged. Yet it appears that fate cruelly determined that this was not to be.

Late one night, I was walking back to her home (she still lived with her parents). I walked her towards the short back-alley that led to her home, intending to walk her all the way back. She declined, kissing me briefly on the lips, saying that she knew I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow (a convention that I had to lecture to had started that day), and to run along home. I waved her goodbye, blew her a kiss, and started to walk back to my home, my mind wandering, thinking of my beloved.

A short while from where I'd left Kathryn, I head a distance female scream. It had come from a dark alley along the road to my home. I broke into a run, soon reaching the alley-way.

In the dim light, it wasn't possible to see much. There was only one street light in the alleyway, and with that being broken, the only light filtering in was that from the main street behind me. I could make out a rough dead end, trash cans scattered around the walls, and a huddled shape on the floor in the darker shadows beyond.

A slight movement to my left, barely perceptible, alerted me to the presence of another person. I turned round to face whoever it might have been and in a quiet voice, said "What's happened here? I heard a scream..." I didn't hear a reply - with a glint of metal and a quick movement from the hidden figure I crumpled to the floor, unconscious.

End of part 2

Short Story: The Beginning (part 1)

This is a story I wrote back in 1992... I dug it out recently, and I'm putting it up here for your (and my) amusement. The writing is a lot more immature and stilted than I'd use today.

Navigation: Forward to Part 2

All in all I had a very sheltered childhood. It was a time of naivety and innocence. I had two loving parents; Maria and Jubal Cherryh, who doted on me in every way, showing great strength in times of need and a fortitude that many families today do not have. Strong were the roots of their relationships, and strong was their love in one another. My father had a very just manner, pushing me into debates to decide the morality of situations and circumstances, showing great patience when I faltered, and great passion in his beliefs.

My mother was a very caring woman, whom I love dearly still, even now she and my father are gone. Steadfast with her husband, and able to show me the kinder sides of life without any of my father's cynicism.

Through my youth we traveled, moving from country to country. I was born in England, moving from there to Africa for four years, and then to Australia for another two. From the outback of Australia we moved to the fjords of Denmark, and finally we resettled in England when I was eleven, in the flat, beautiful countryside of Cambridge.

My secondary school in Cambridge was St. Brides Boy's school, where I excelled. Always questioning, I had a hunger for knowledge, studying far afield from the beaten track of the syllabuses set out for us. My school life was relatively peaceful - I have nothing but fond memories of that time. One incident, however, is pertinent.

It was the beginning of my fifth year at St. Brides, when a boy who'd been expelled from his old school joined us. His first few weeks were quiet, and then his true colours began to show through. Slowly, he began to cause trouble, picking on the younger boys at first, as they were able to put up less of a resistance, moving up through the years as older boys challenged him. I was unaware of him at first, keeping myself to my own group of friends; I was uninterested by the playground politics of the school, preferring to find other past-times to while away the break times. However, one day I was walking through the yard when I saw him beating up a first year boy. This enraged me - all that my father had taught me through the years about justice went against this act. I walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder as he was drawing back his arm to lay another punch into the prone child. He dropped the first year and turned around in surprise and anger - who had dared to interrupt him whilst he was... having his own perverse sort of pleasure? I said to him, "Don't you think he's a little too small for you?"

He didn't reply, instead he swung his fist wildly in my direction. I dodged the blow. One of the now forming crowd of onlookers giggled at the sight of the failed attempt to hit me, angering the bully even more.

"It'd be healthier if you kept out of my business", he snarled, turning and attempting another blow. I was not so lucky this time - his fist glanced off my shoulder. With the sharp pain, doubt entered my mind - maybe this wasn't a good thing to enter into after all - and I readied to bolt. Alas, the now thick circle of people around us prevented this route of escape. I decided to try and talk again.

"Why do you think it'd good to pick on people?" I queried. "Do you get some kind of pleasure out of it?"

Whilst I was talking, he had swung again, striking my damaged shoulder once more. Again I looked around, trying to find a way to run, some way to break out of the crowd around us to lick my wounds and possibly save my skin, but there was no way out. The crowd around was just too thick.

"Or is it that you're so used to using your fists to get what you want that you're afraid to try and work for it instead?"

This stopped him. A glimmer of doubt entered his until then set eyes. He deflated slightly, no longer swinging for me. Indecision seemed to light his face, and then he spoke.

"You'll keep, for now. But I'd watch my back if I were you. You might not see me come for you if you don't."

With that, he pushed his way out of the circle, shoving people out of the way. The crowd around me cheered my name, patting me on the back (some nudging my damaged shoulder, but not out of malice - they could not know the pain it was giving me). The bully had lost face, whilst I had gained the respect of my fellow pupils.

As I walked home from a friend's place that night, I felt a warm glow (not merely that of the slow healing going on in my shoulder, though). Turning the corner of the road towards my house, I saw a dark shape standing in the shadows cast by the streetlight. My pace quickened, eager to safely return home. I fumbled for the door key, dropping it. I stooped down to pick it up, and when I stood back up and looked around, the shape in the darkness had gone.

End of part 1.

UNSEALED On Zoetrope: The Results

Well, it looks like people on Zoetrope like UNSEALED. So far, out of three reviews, all three of them have rated it as excellent.

Promising stuff! Mind you, I also dug out my old notebook, and found about 30 pages of character notes, plot ideas, and so on and so forth that I worked on with Joey back when we were putting it together.

Hopefully a couple more people will review it soon - if so, it makes it onto their Top Rated scripts list (it only needs 4 to qualify, but it's running out of time). And if it does, maybe someone will take notice. I'd love to see it as an hour long drama on HBO or ShowTime. Heck, I'll even take the Sci-Fi Channel :)

A new screenplay... and a new title...

Little Miss Litty is getting a rename... it's now called "The Mara". It's a little punchier, and a says "horror movie" a lot more than the original title. Hopefully it'll sell better.

Speaking of selling.. I've not heard anything back from any production companies yet. I faxed Twisted Pictures (the guys who did the Saw movies) a couple of days ago. I also emailed Vincenzo Natali's agent over at Endeavor LA - and got no response.

Goddamn, this industry is crazy. Back when I was a journo, it was pretty freakin' easy. Phone an editor. Pitch the story. Go off and write it, send it in. Easy. Of course, when I first got started there was an extra step - write a short 300 word synopsis... but that went away after the first couple. (Oddly, the need to write synopses came after writing for Your Sinclair for a year... weird).

If you're a script reader for a production company and you come across this page, please feel free to email me.

Meanwhile...

It's time to crack out my old notebook and start working on a new one so that I can get some distance before doing rewrites on The Mara. This next one I already know the story for from soup to nuts, and I have a synopsis written up and ready to go. (This was back during my sit at Bandoleone with a glass of wine and write period, and the story itself is one that I put together back in 2001). It's called Dot Comedy right now, but really it's a kind of heist movie... naturally with quirky twists on the basic formula.

Step one, take the ten pages of notes, put them in OneNote where I can edit them more easily, and work out the structure scene by scene. Then, it's time to get down to the real writing :)

I'm like butter, baby... I'm on a roll.

Of course, the slightly sad part of this is that I'm now cannibalizing my stash of stories that I was hoping to direct myself. This one is budgeted at a cool $270,000 if I was filming it myself. If it was done full on Hollywood Style (which it really should be), it'd probably come in at a respectable $4 to $10MM.

The log line for this one?

Dot Comedy

Two collegues get laid off from their high paying jobs. In an effort to continue their lifestyle, they decide to borrow money from a loan shark, reprint it using the office printer, and take it Vegas to launder it with the help of an alcoholic gambling addict. But the loan shark wants his money back and he's coming to get it - with interest.

(I hate log lines... take a story, and squeeze all the juice out of it... it just doesn't get across the full fun of the story. Ah well).

Little Miss Litty...

... just hit the 80 pages point. I'm in the home stretch! (although I need to take another roll through my treatment and convert the end into something I can screenplayify).

And then, the glorious task that is 1st draft is done. It will then be time to get my readers' feedback, and print it out, and start getting medieval on its ass.

I have a 3 date maximum. Some people have a 3 date minimum, but to them I say "live a little!". Some writers will rewrite and polish until you can see your face in it, hitting hundreds of drafts. To them, I say "Push your children out of the nest!". Hah!

Good times :D

Little Miss Litty - The Treatment is Complete

I finally finished the treatment for Little Miss Litty, and I think it's good :)

I write these things in stages. I know that for me, the biggest hurdle I hit when I'm writing is that if I know how the story ends, I stop actually writing it down. I tell it to people instead. Nowhere near as useful, or as satisfying as a well crafted story - but unfortunately at that point, my personal need to understand and tell the story has been met.

This time I tried something else; Little Miss Litty is a short story I first worked on about 12 or so years ago. I never completed it, but I came across it recently and it seemed like a great kernel for a longer story.

So I took what I had, and expanded on it, this time in screenplay form.

Once I ran out of that source material, I started "rolling" on the story. I normally hate planning stories too far in advance because once things get going, the characters like to do their own thing. I can push them in one direction or another, but the rest of it is really truly and honestly up to them.

Sounds kind of weird, I know, but the characters do know what's going on better than I do at any point.

So my new process involves writing a chunk of treatment in OneNote - enough to get me going for the next 20 to 40 pages, and then a very brief outline following that of the next 30 or so pages after that, in italic so that I know it's not yet fleshed out.

(I do the same thing for any bits I get stuck on - just put them in rough, in italic, so I know I need to do some research or expand on them later - this stops me from getting stuck, or letting myself succumb to writer's block).

Next, I write this up in Final Draft in screenplay format, striking out bits of the treatment as I go through it.

This method seems to work well. It means I have a guide-rope (so to speak) that I can follow through the story, but without blowing it all for me as I'm discovering it. It's just enough to keep me going without having to make it up on the fly in long-form.

Some writers keep note cards to plan out scenes, and rearrange them once they have a script going. I don't do that - I don't need to. Programming (for better or for worse) has taught me all the tools I need to do that in my head. Once I have the script written, I've got a visual map of elements and blocks that I can rearrange to make sure the structure's right. To be honest, I don't need to do it that often - like with my day-job, I seem to have gotten that down to an intuitive process, so most of the time it comes out right first time.

I also use OneNote to throw elements of story ideas I come up with in there. That way I can mine it later for bits and pieces that I want to use later. The other advantage to this is that once it's written down, I can drop it out of my brain until I want to pick it up again later, rather than spinning on this latest greatest idea for too long and letting it get in the way of the real writing work.

That doesn't, of course, stop me from wasting time on the blog though ;-)

Current screen-play page count: 69. Dude. About 30 more to go, give or take.

More medical writing to come soon, btw. It's such a heavy topic, and things have been rough at work with the crunch, so I needed to switch to something a little easier for the time being... More soon on that topic, I promise.

Help Me Finish Little Miss Litty

Help I'm stuck!

Throughout the story, I have a demon insisting that people play the game with him.

The little girl (Anna) plays the game, but doesn't play fair. And she won't reveal the rules to Sarah Littern.

The demon so far has not revealed what the rules of the game are, or what the game is?

So what can it be?

I'm stumped. I think I have a vague idea of a direction to go in... but to be honest all I really know for sure is that it's not a "Rumplestiltskin" game.

Anyone got any suggestions?

Surreal's Game Design Blog

I've finally gotten around to starting writing for the Surreal Game Design blog, where you can find all things Surreal and Game Designy.

I've got a bunch of posts coming up on there soon, so keep your eyes peeled. Meanwhile, here's my Hello World post.

The Writing Continues... (Ghostbusters 3...?)

So I'm carrying on with Little Miss Litty, but I came up with a strangely good idea the other day, and I'm rolling with it.

I think I've figured out how to do a worthy sequel to Ghostbusters 1 & 2.

Way I figure, my script is currently looking like it has a much better storyline than what I've heard of the stalled version of the movie they want to make. (Ghostbusters go to hell? Yeesh... sorry, I can see all kinds of reasons why that script might have a few issues in terms of continuity, scope, and a whole bunch of other things).

So as soon as I finish Litty, that's what I'm going to be working on. Ghostbusters 3. I've already got most of the major plot points hammered out, and know roughly the scope of it. It'll be just a smidge darker than the others... not too dark... but you know, you gotta roll with the times.

More writing...

Over the last two nights, I've written 20 more pages in "Little Miss Litty" - the horror screenplay I'm working on.

I'm happy. This is now officially 20 pages longer than the last script I wrote - Unsealed - a couple of years ago. (I wish I could find a way to make that... but 45 minutes screen time is a weird weird length).

Of course, there's a long road ahead - at least two more drafts of the script, some heavy editing, and some fixin' up. It's a little ... condensed right now too. I get the feeling that to find the rhythym for this and make it more tense and suspenseful instead of just out and out shock and gore, it's going to need a little stretching out. Just a little. (I also want to try to balance the cool shit with the essential plot building shit... find the right cadence, if you will, for the scenes).

Either way, I'm happy. I think I'm well on track for having the damn thing finished by the end of the year. Then, it's time to shop it :)

Some time soon, I may post a link to the unfinished short story this is all based on, as somewhat of a teaser. (Although I ran out of that material about 36 pages ago :) ).

You, Dear Reader...

So here's your chance (because I like to check occasionally) to tell me what to write.

What do you want to see on this blog?

1. More of the same randomness
2. More game reviews
3. More game design posts
4. More random medical/sciencey stuff I figure out
5. More software design & programming posts
6. More software project management posts
7. More artsy stuff
8. More movie making related posts
9. More writing posts
10. More about me

Of course, you can pick any topics you like, but that's basically everything that's happened in this blog over the time I've been posting it. What would you like to see? I might not steer the ship solely in that direction, but I'll definitely nudge it over there if people have a preference.

More writin'

Another 6 pages down... so now I'm at 31 pages of screenplay. Only another 60 (or is that 80?) to go.

Litty Takes Off...

Well well well... I'm out of original story, and now I'm totally on my own. My 1995-or-so self is no longer in control of this little shebang, and I'm up and rolling.

I've just finished putting together the elements of the plot that should take things all the way up to Act 3 of the film. I've deliberately kept it pretty vague so that I don't lose momentum. And I'm going to do it in stages - write chunks of synopsis, then write chunks of script - so that I don't hit my usual problem of knowing how a story ends and then losing interest in it.

Currently I'm sitting at the bottom of page 24. Litty is talking to other teachers about the drawings that Anna has been doing. And shit is about to go down.

11 pages and a road map of where the story's going to go today. Things are looking promising. Don't know if I can keep this pace up, but if I can... wooooo doggie. I'm either a third or a quarter of the way through. Let's say I get this all wrapped up by October... that gives me a couple of months for second and third drafts (I'll get my script reading crew on it at the second draft point), and then by December I should be ready to shop this mofo around.

Yay! All I have to do that is keep the momentum up now.

Writing Update

I wrote two more pages on the Little Miss Litty script today. About 10 more to go before I run out of my original material to work from. And then it's all new. And I finally have to figure out what the game the creature wants to play is.

I knew what the game was when I wrote the original story. Not any more though. That has disappeared to the winds of time. (I'm guessing that this is why writing a synopsis is a good thing - if you drop a story for a while, you can go back and pick up your original intent).

So now I have to come up with a new game for the creature to play. I've got some ideas that I'm toying with for that.

On the positive side, it's fascinating watching how the story changes as it moves from the original novel form to the cinematic realm. Thoughts and musings of characters have had to turn into dialogue between two characters. Scenes which worked great as prose (eg. the opening to the Litty in the mossy corridor scene) have had to be completely reworked and turned into entirely new sets of scenes - which all have their own inherent spookiness. And oddly, I don't think they'd have worked all that well as prose.

And frankly, I have to finish this one. My goal is to have the entire script done, redrafted, etc etc etc by December, ready to show to agents. We'll see.

Back to Writing...

Well, I'm writing again. Its been a while, but I figured that at this time I've got more than enough unfinished stories that are bleating at me to be told, that it's time to crack them out again, dust them off, and actually finish them.

It's really kind of weird, to be honest. The longer I leave a story, the less ideas for stories I have. If I finish a story, then another idea pops up in its place. It's like there's a queue of finite length. (Of course, there's not... it's probably my inner curmudgeon complaining that I can't get anything else done unless I finish at least something...)

So, in that vein, if we look at the unfinished stories I've got (and when I was working on them), they look something like this (note: yep, some of the descriptions are really really vague... that's deliberate... I still need to finish them some time :) )

The Chronos Theorem (1994)

A time travel story set in the near future. I got about 60 pages in, and then stopped writing it because I realized that I'd buggered up the timeline of the story. Time travel stories, apparently, take a bit of prep work. Especially if they loop in and around themselves.

Vampyre Dawn (1995)

Vampires. In Chicago (though I'll probably move it to Seattle now). A man loses the love of his life when he is turned, and is introduced to their society. Warring factions start a battle, and he's in the middle of it all while trying to fit in. First of a trilogy of stories.

Little Miss Litty (1995?)

A short horror story about a school teacher locked in an asylum for the criminally insane.

Fractures (1999)

A doctor who story

The Story Of Yin Yang Man (2000)

He fights the forces of good and evil. And his partner is Feng Shui Girl. Who solves crimes and puts the world to rights by moving furniture. Originally meant to be a graphic novel, it might work as a one-shot film. Hard to plot out simply because if he's fighting good and evil, well, is he good or evil? Neutral characters - while good gags - aren't necessarily compelling.

The Witnesses (2000)

A man has an accident, and discovers that he's compelled to watch events - but that's only the start of his powers. Secret societies. The end of the world. Epic battles. And sadly unfinished.

My Recession (2002)

An architect has been out of work for nearly a year. He spends his last night on earth in a bar, saying goodbye to his friends. The lines between reality and his mental musings blur as the night goes on, until it's hard to tell the difference. (Kind of almost synopsis form).

Dot Comedy (2002)

Two friends working for a dot com get laid off, and in their last two weeks there, use the equipment to fake up a bunch of money. Then they go to Vegas to spend it.

Unsealed (2003 - cowritten with Joseph DeLorenzo)

The script for this one actually got finished. It's about 45 minutes long. Which is all kinds of wrong for several reasons. So strictly speaking, I need to revisit it and make it much longer.

So ... er... what am I doing about this?

Well, I just started turning Little Miss Litty into a screenplay for a horror movie. It'll be a good test case. I'm 13 pages in so far, which actually works out to be about half of what I originally wrote. (You can see that here if you want).

The structure is changing a bit as the format shifts, and I'm fixing up some of the dialogue a little. Oh, and I'm un-Britishizing it as I go. (By the way, if you want to know what the insane asylum looks like, watch Terminator 2. That's what it is in my mind.)

So let's see.. Horror movies tend to be between 90 minutes and 115 or so. So I figure I've got about 13 pages until I hit new material in the story where I have to really start working hard, and then I've got about 74 minutes of fresh material to write. That's not too bad. A pretty reasonable goal.

If I write about 10 pages a week (say, reserve one night a week for it), then in about 8 weeks time, I should have a script ready to break apart and edit the crap out of.

Will it be any good? Will it be sellable? Will it make it?

Who knows.

Will I have fun doing it? Ya sure, ya betcha.

I don't think I want to direct this one. Too much CG to do it on a small budget... better leave that to someone else.

More news as I have it.