Lesson Learned – The art of the Random Road Trip

Might I make a recommendation, dear reader?

Don’t decide on a whim to go to another country at 9pm at night.

Darci and I were out at one of her coworkers’ birthday parties yesterday, and in the middle of it, we decided to just say screw it and go to Vancouver BC for the night. That’s Canada, folks.

(For the record, it’s about a 2 hour drive to the border from Seattle).

Now, apparently, this is not the kind of decision that one makes lightly. After all, it’s not like Canada is just at the North end of I-5 or anything, it’s an entirely different fucking country, and they demand to be respected as such. In fact, cross the border after midnight, to go for a one night trip to a hotel with a themed room and a BIG hot tub, just because – well – you got the nomadic itch… well, that’s just not right. I mean, no-one does that right?

Apparently not. We ended up being detained at the border for an hour, while they grilled us on things like drug habits, whether we’d been drinking, etc.

The conversation went something like this:

“What states have you lived in?”

Me: “Er… Washington and Virginia.” … “and Ohio and Illinois. I mean Indiana, not Illinois.” (In my head I’m thinking… I was alive when I was driving through Pennsylvania too.. and Georgia, and the Carolinas… oh crap… I’ve stayed in Cleveland. Is that a state? Shit, no it’s Ohio, although I keep thinking that Toledo is in Ohio, and Cleveland is a world unto itself… and I’m pretty sure I’ve been to Iowa and Wisconsin. And I kind of stayed in a hotel in Illinois once. And I’ve been to Hawaii a couple of times… and Nevada. And Arizona. Spent two weeks in New Mexico. Oh God What Do They Mean By Lived!?!?!").

Darci, however, had a smidge more difficulty remembering. Because she has live in at least 16 different states, and keeping track of them all gets difficult.

Next question was even more bizarre:

“So… do you ever smoke any drugs?”

Me: (because even if I had ever smoked anything, I’m not stupid). “No.”

“Do you smoke nicotine? You have lighters in the car”.

Quick mental check time. Is Nicotine a drug? Yes. Of course it is. But I thought she meant illegal drugs. What the fuck? Did cigarettes get banned in Canada recently and I didn’t hear about it? And of course there are lighters in the car. They kind of go along with the cigarettes in the packet. In the car.

Me: “Er… yes. I smoke cigarettes. And yes there are lighters in the car.”

A disapproving look. Oh my god, I’m going to be refused entry to Canada, even with my Get Across Borders Free card(tm)* with me. Because I smoke Camel Lights. Well, I knew I should have quit… but what the hell?

So here’s my quick guide to going to other countries (aka Canada) for road trips:

• Cross the border no later than 9pm. Anything later than that, and they’re wondering why the hell you’d waste so much money on a hotel room for such a short trip.
• Speaking of short trips – don’t bother with one night trips unless you’re crossing the border around 1pm. They will think you are crazy, because you’re not taking advantage of everything that Canada has to offer, and most places up here close around 10:30pm anyway.
• Print out your hotel reservation. They want proof that you actually thought your trip through, and aren’t just planning on getting a hotel room when you get up here. After all, no-one ever goes to another country and just wings it. (Nor does Canada want to admit entry to anyone that spontaneous).
• Pack light. Clean out your car before you go. Anything that you don’t need for the trip? Don’t take it. Your gym bag? It’s a clear sign that you’re not really going on a trip – you’re actually planning on emigrating and using the free, Government sponsored gym memberships that all Canadians get as part of their health care package. Just don’t do it. (Or bring your Gym Insurance card to prove that you won’t be a burden on the state).
• Both passengers should be fully conscious when crossing the border. You don’t get to let your tired sweetie sleep in the passenger seat. They want to make sure you haven’t drugged her, and aren’t transporting her out of the country to sell her into the white slave trade.
• That picture of the Queen on the wall in the border station? It’s bullshit. They use it as a dartboard. Either that, or they thought I was a traitor because I had a British passport and a green card.
• Do not tell them that you’ve been to Canada several times before without incident. They know that this is a lie, because no-one would ever want to visit Canada more than once.
• But most importantly, more than anything else, don’t try the seasoned traveler tactic late at night. The guards want to see fear in your eyes. They don’t want to see someone who’s been through this a million times before being helpful and cheery and taking it all as routine. (Although I tell ya what, fuck’em. I’ve been through immigration at JFK SEVERAL times. Anything else is a freakin’ cake walk).

*That would be my green-card by the way. It takes a lot of work and effort to get one, but once you have it, it usually means that border crossings are a smile a wave and a handshake and you’re on your way. Mainly because they have my home address, sexual history, complete set of fingerprints, innoculations, criminal records, blood types, the addresses of everyone I’ve ever slept with, and my favorite cocktail all embedded on the back of the damn thing in a strip of data that looks like an old laser-disk. It usually bypasses all the crap that border people give you because, well, when it comes down to it, you’ve already had a much more thorough background check than they had to go through for their job.

Virgin America Rocks

I just got back from the X-Ray Kid Google Lively ship party in Los Angeles, which was frankly awesome and merits a post of its own as soon as I can get photos to go with it. But for now, I just have to write about Virgin America.

Virgin America is a relatively new airline, and frankly, it's the best one I've ever flown on in the continental United States. Period. There is no better.

Not only are the flights comparable in price to other airlines (eg. Alaskan - hithertofore my favorite airline), but they somehow have managed to do something no other airline has in a very long time.

They're classy.

No, seriously. They care about the traveling experience, and it shows.

The view from the seat. Look at the pretty mood lighting. It's positively forcing you to relax

Not only are they running a fleet of brand new Airbuses, but they do lots of little things to take the edge of. Little, psychological things that you might think wouldn't really make a difference, but do.

Like putting flowers at the check-in desks and at the gate. Which isn't a big thing... but it's nice. And it makes you feel more comfortable.

All their staff are probably the friendliest people I've ever seen in an airport. Ever.

They have mood lighting on the plane, which makes for a more interesting experience than the usual horrible white fluorescent lights.

Free headphones that they hand out from bins in the gantry as you get on the plane.

Free soft drinks - the first round of which is delivered to your seat standard style. After that, you can use the in-seat entertainment system (which you can use to play Doom, or watch a movie you can buy... or watch free TV and TED Talks - which kept me busy for over an hour because they're always worth watching) to order more drinks, which they'll bring to you personally when they have a moment.

Which is freakin' awesome.

It's also the first airline where the pilot (Lloyd, on flight 715 from LAX to Seatac, 6:35pm, 8/24/2008 in case anyone wants to pass this on to him) made a personal point to come over to me & Darci (who were waiting to see if we could upgrade to exit-row seats because the check-in systems were down), and to thank us for flying Virgin America, and for our business, and to tell us that he was going to be flying us to Seattle today, and he hoped we'd have a good flight and that the gate people would be there shortly.

Darci and I stared at each other. We were sure he had been drinking - or something. And then a little while later, he got up again and left the crew who were waiting for their flight to come in, and introduced himself to another passenger.

No, he hadn't been drinking. This is old-school airline hospitality, the like of which hasn't been seen since the days of Zeppelins. And you know what? It's so sad that this is so out of the ordinary these days that we thought he was on something. Because you know... that shows class. I have more appreciation for Lloyd and the Virgin America crew because of that small gesture than I would have ever thought possible, and I had a much more enjoyable flight because of it.

Virgin America guys, and Lloyd in particular - in fact, all of the crew of that flight (and the prior one I took on Friday) - you totally and utterly rock. You have literally made my flying experience better than I could have imagined would ever be possible in today's world of cutbacks and penny-pinching. And it didn't cost you a dime.

BTW: Exit row seats? They're counted as premium, and will cost you somewhere between $50 and $15 to guarantee that you get one. Frankly, I'm more than willing to pay it to guarantee the seat. Their upgrade to 1st class is cheap too - $200 on the flights we were on. We didn't take advantage of it, but maybe next time. (Darci hates to fly, so this is a good tradeoff).

In seat entertainment system...

 
... running Linux. Unfortunately, it had totally crashed and would not boot up at all on our flight down to LA. Fortunately, we got free drinks and food for the entire flight because of this...

It's not all roses though...

Written on the flight from Seattle to LA:

Unfortunately, the Linux-based in-seat entertainment systems keep crashing. They've tried resetting them, but to no avail. They just hang on startup at the initial login screen.

Yay. Linux. Thank you, you wonderful Open Source operating system, for all the free drinks and food I'm getting on this flight. Knew you were good for something!

Although to be honest, I'd rather have seen the movies. Either way, next time someone tells you that Linux never crashes, never blue-screens, never dies... just let them know: yes, it does. Except it doesn't blue-screen. It just hangs and sits there. Which is worse, because now I've spent over 30 minutes of this flight just waiting, hoping, pleading with the cute red screen in front of me... praying that it will turn into entertainmenty goodness.

Also, on the flight back from LA to Seattle, the self check-in desk systems were all down. So far as I can tell, those ones run Apache Tomcat on Windows. The desk people were incredibly nice and helpful though, and we got past it all without a hitch.

For some reason, Virgin has a LOT of computer issues (issues with its web-based train booking system caused problems for me & Darci earlier this year - but the Virgin Trains team went above and beyond to fix the problem for us as well). Small glitches aside though, their overall level of quality service just puts them head and shoulders above everyone else in the industry. They really rock. Am I saying that too much?

So far as I can tell, this is because they actually care about service. They care about making sure you have the best experience possible. They really do. And that's as rare as hen's teeth these days.

Give them your money. They deserve it far more than Continental, US Airways, Delta, or pretty much any other airline out there. They deserve to succeed, because they're making travel an experience that hasn't been around in this country for at least 20 years. And frankly, given how much of a pain traveling in coach is, it's worth it.

Photos taken from Dave Zatz's collection

Just got back from England

More info, photos, etc, soon.

Travel Craziness: Cheaper to fly than to go by rail

It's currently £20 cheaper to fly from Manchester to London than it is to take the train. And it takes half the time.

Something is wrong here. I mean... never mind that its $40 with the exchange rates, and everything, which actually makes it a toss up... but still... that's ludicrous.

Price of a single ticket from Manchester to London:

by rail: £61.40 (2hrs 24mins)
by air: £43.40 (1hr)

Cost to get to Manchester airport vs. Picadilly - about the same. And you need a day pass for the tube regardless of where you end up once you're at Euston anyway.

The world has honestly turned upside down at this point.

If you're flying to or from SeaTac airport this Xmas, a few words of warning

Here's some info from personal (i.e. last night) experience:

You should be aware that things are slightly nuts at SeaTac right now…

I left the office at 11pm last night. Got to the SeaTac off-ramp around 11:15. Spent the next 45 minutes in traffic waiting to get to the actual arrivals/departure/parking area.

People aren’t using the cell phone waiting area when there’s high congestion, which is making things much worse.

If you’re picking someone up, consider using the Hourly Parking at the airport itself to do so. Most people aren’t using it because the road is under construction, and it’s so badly labeled that people are missing it each time they go past. So if you want to use it:

Get left as early as you can once you’re through the off-ramps. It may help to find someone trying to get right and swap with them.

You will see a “Parking Next Left” sign. IT IS NOT LYING. Turn left the MOMENT you see an actual road that goes left, even if about 15 feet down there you see a “Road Closed” sign. You will be driving to the left of this sign; it’s badly placed and doesn’t apply to your actual destination. There is one fakeout before you get to that road, where it looks like there should be a road going left; if you can’t drive down it, it’s not the one I’m talking about.

(I and several others did at least 2 loops before we figured this out. The people who are doing the construction work should be shot for not properly putting up signs).

If you hit the Rental Car Returns, you’ve gone too far.

Use your credit card in the ticket machines. Don’t expect to get a ticket back; you won’t get one. Just use the same card again when you exit the airport, and it’ll print a receipt for you.

If someone’s arriving at the A-gates, the security exit that you think should let you out will probably be closed (it’s by Gate A2), and this can be very confusing for tired travelers. By Gate A6, there is a security exit which is open – just walk toward A6 from gates A1-A5 and pull an immediate U-turn and it should let you out onto the main concourse. There’s also another way out if you just walk to the B/C/D gates.

In short... if you’re flying, allow about AN HOUR possibly more of driving time to get into the damn airport. Allow AN HOUR in addition to your normal driving time to pick people up. And if you’re picking people up, use the incredibly awesomely sign-posted hourly parking.