Rewriting... It's like Writing, only this time you get to punch Yourself in the head

So I think enough time's passed that it's worth taking another look at The Mara and see if I can rejigger it a bit. (Hey, it's over a year since I started that project... all good things to those who wait, I guess).

So right now, I'm in OneNote, breaking down the whole structure of the story. Ends up that my read through crew (Darci being the only person who actually gave me detailed constructive feedback so far - she's awesome) was totally right about a number of key things about the story.

So it's time to revisit it, restructure it, cut some of the chaff, break up some scenes which were 4 times longer than others (and boring) and find another way to throw that information around.

So I'm writing notes about each major story beat, trying to pull out the threads and see where it's lacking. Much easier this way in shorthand than by trying to do it the longwinded way (and deal with 90 pages of script). At least now I can see where all the bits lie, instead of the tangled version of it that lives in my head.

Editing and Story

I'm no stranger to editing... I used to do at least three passes on every article I wrote. (I don't do that for this blog - I also don't plan out the articles. I'm not on the clock for this work, so... the hard part of the work is the first to go. I can spew out anything in a short period of time - cleaning it up, however, is where the hard part lies).

But hey, I need to edit my story. I already did 2 passes on it. Third time's a charm right? I read recently that M. Night Shyamalan did ten complete rewrites from scratch before he realized that Bruce Willis's character was dead.

Personally, that seems a little remiss to me. How can you write a story like that without knowing from the get-go what you're doing? Or where you're going? Maybe it's the programmer in me, but I take a very top-down approach to this whole thing.

I start with the global story, and then drill down to focus on individual parts, fleshing out the whole as it goes. Generally speaking, I always have a beginning, a middle and an end in mind. If I didn't, I wouldn't sit down and start writing.

Mind you, I didn't always do this. I learned after writing 58 pages of a time-travel novel, that going in without a plan - especially with time travel stories, (which are like mystery novels, in that every working part affects every other cog in the machine) - is something you absolutely don't do.

That doesn't mean you don't let the story evolve the way it should as it goes along... but it does mean that you don't go in without a road map. Change the map later - but have the map to start out.

Maybe this is why I'm not exactly prolific when it comes to screenwriting. I like to hone the idea first, and then start putting it to paper.

Characters

Another thing I've learned? The last screenplay I worked on was UNSEALED. Now, that one didn't have the full monté road map. It did have a core idea, and I built around that. The first version was 20 minutes long, and somewhat lacking - until I decided it was time to up the stakes and really pull out all the stops. And then it got really really good (in my opinion).

The difference here is that Joseph DeLorenzo and I spent a lot of time working on character. (One of these days, when I get access to a scanner, I'll put up my notebook so you can see what we came up with - there's about as much work that went into the characters as went into the actual script).

The way we wrote UNSEALED was to sit in a bar, and talk about story. And characters. I went in with a rough idea of the plot, and then we'd sit and figure out every aspect of those characters we could, figuring out scenarios we could put them in, character traits, their likes, their dislikes, their relationships. (Phil and D.K.? By the way, although it's never spelled out, a long time ago they had a gay relationship - mainly because Mortimer and Scarlet were so busy doing each other, and they had no-one else... so they decided to screw it and screw each other. It's subtle, but it did make it into the script - they have a certain ease and familiarity with each other borne of that relationship).

And then, at night, I'd go home and write the script. We'd get together a day or two later, and finesse the dialog (Joey was great at pointing out when lines could just be entirely left out, or conveyed with a gesture instead of a line of dialog - I guess that's the true hallmark of a great actor).

But the crazy thing? We had the characters 80 or 90% figured out before I sat down to write the screenplay. And it's still my favorite thing I've ever written - in fact, it's one of a myriad of reasons my tattoo is what it is. (It took 15 years to decide on what to get; if you're going to stick something on your body forever, you'd better make sure you have a good reason for it).

The symbolism of the hourglass? Two-fold - patience, and it's also the hourglass from UNSEALED.

I think one of the bigger mistakes I made with THE MARA (aka Little Miss Litty) was assuming that because I'd had the story rolling around in my head for about 12 years, it was all figured out and good to go. I'd never intended to tell a long story with it - just a short story. So there wasn't any room for character development.

Well, since working on UNSEALED, I've decided that I really like the character development approach. It gives you a lot to draw on.

And I completely ignored that for THE MARA. Talk about lame. Ah well, part of that rewrite is going to be coming up with completely fleshed out character sheets for all of the characters too. Let's see where it goes.

Because if you do the character work, everything a character does will be informed by it - even at a subliminal level. And that character definition will make your work more complex, more real, and more believable - even if you don't spell it out in bright neon lights.

Update: Unsealed on Zoetrope.com

I'm somewhat shocked. Unsealed is the top rated short screenplay on Zoetrope.com (Francis Ford Coppola's Writer's Workshop site) for the month of February (i.e. that's when it was submitted).

Er... like, yay!

UNSEALED On Zoetrope: The Results

Well, it looks like people on Zoetrope like UNSEALED. So far, out of three reviews, all three of them have rated it as excellent.

Promising stuff! Mind you, I also dug out my old notebook, and found about 30 pages of character notes, plot ideas, and so on and so forth that I worked on with Joey back when we were putting it together.

Hopefully a couple more people will review it soon - if so, it makes it onto their Top Rated scripts list (it only needs 4 to qualify, but it's running out of time). And if it does, maybe someone will take notice. I'd love to see it as an hour long drama on HBO or ShowTime. Heck, I'll even take the Sci-Fi Channel :)

Unsealed up on Zoetrope

Just a short post this time...

I've put the screenplay for Unsealed up on Zoetrope - American Zoetrope's "virtual studio" site. It's in the short script section.

If you want to check it out, either sign up for an account there, or feel free to email me.

A new screenplay... and a new title...

Little Miss Litty is getting a rename... it's now called "The Mara". It's a little punchier, and a says "horror movie" a lot more than the original title. Hopefully it'll sell better.

Speaking of selling.. I've not heard anything back from any production companies yet. I faxed Twisted Pictures (the guys who did the Saw movies) a couple of days ago. I also emailed Vincenzo Natali's agent over at Endeavor LA - and got no response.

Goddamn, this industry is crazy. Back when I was a journo, it was pretty freakin' easy. Phone an editor. Pitch the story. Go off and write it, send it in. Easy. Of course, when I first got started there was an extra step - write a short 300 word synopsis... but that went away after the first couple. (Oddly, the need to write synopses came after writing for Your Sinclair for a year... weird).

If you're a script reader for a production company and you come across this page, please feel free to email me.

Meanwhile...

It's time to crack out my old notebook and start working on a new one so that I can get some distance before doing rewrites on The Mara. This next one I already know the story for from soup to nuts, and I have a synopsis written up and ready to go. (This was back during my sit at Bandoleone with a glass of wine and write period, and the story itself is one that I put together back in 2001). It's called Dot Comedy right now, but really it's a kind of heist movie... naturally with quirky twists on the basic formula.

Step one, take the ten pages of notes, put them in OneNote where I can edit them more easily, and work out the structure scene by scene. Then, it's time to get down to the real writing :)

I'm like butter, baby... I'm on a roll.

Of course, the slightly sad part of this is that I'm now cannibalizing my stash of stories that I was hoping to direct myself. This one is budgeted at a cool $270,000 if I was filming it myself. If it was done full on Hollywood Style (which it really should be), it'd probably come in at a respectable $4 to $10MM.

The log line for this one?

Dot Comedy

Two collegues get laid off from their high paying jobs. In an effort to continue their lifestyle, they decide to borrow money from a loan shark, reprint it using the office printer, and take it Vegas to launder it with the help of an alcoholic gambling addict. But the loan shark wants his money back and he's coming to get it - with interest.

(I hate log lines... take a story, and squeeze all the juice out of it... it just doesn't get across the full fun of the story. Ah well).