There’s a site out there – Overheard in New York – which collects things people overhear in passing. You know, random conversation snippets. (It has a few sister sites too – Overheard in the Office, Overheard at the Beach… and there’s another unrelated one called InPassing). It’s amazing what you pick up if you just keep your ears open. Here’s a few of my recent faves.
Five-year-old: Daddy, I don’t wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!
Old man: My psychiatrist told me two important things: one, never trust foreigners; two, don’t ever waste an erection, even if you’re alone.–Restroom, York Theater
During trailer for horror movie where young girl peeks in door of creepy house and says, ‘Hello?’…
Thugette: Why they be goin’ into some abandoned-ass house like that?
Thug: ‘Cause they white.
Lady: I had the worst experience at that restaurant.
Friend: What did you have?
Lady: Horrible diarrhea.
Friend: I meant, what did you order?
Frat boy: … And I don’t really know what happened! All of a sudden I was in an orgy… And you know what? It wasn’t even all that good.
Kindly gent: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Little kid: Retarded!
Kindly gent: Retarded?
Little kid: My grandpa is retarded, and he gets to play and watch TV all day!
Kindly gent: [Stunned silence.]
Kid’s mom, embarrassed: He means ‘retired.’
Little kid: Retarded! Retarded! Retarded! I wanna be retarded! [Starts to cry.]
There’s sort of a game you can make out of this too. It’s called Tomato Funeral.